If the world ends today, it's because 790 commanded the Lexx to blow up the Little Blue Planet. S.4 Ep Yo Way Yo. pix click to original sources
Uncategorized
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pleasant surprises
I did not expect this. I was honestly very happy with posts that got 30 hits, thrilled with 50 or 60, ecstatic when some of them topped 100. At this date, I have 8 posts on this blog that have gotten over 500 hits, and 5 of those are over 1000. Granted, now I have twitter, tumblr, and xanga plugz, but even weeks after those are done and gone, the visits keep coming (my bluejacky traffic is blowing me away, too). When I opened this blog back up, I did NOT expect this kind of traffic. The Lexx posts, especially, are already far outpacing the traffic I used to get in the 'old days' when Lexx was a bit hotter and fresher on the internet. I think it's fair to say that the traffic to this blog is very Lexx driven, but it certainly isn't the only attraction. I mostly just want to say this is the coolest present I've gotten in awhile, and it's doing me a lot of good to see it after the rough run I had. Hugs to all the lurkers out there, and I hope whatever winter festivities you enjoy are awesome for you this year. -
Happy Decemberween
Oh, let's see, monthly update, what is going on around here. Getting my head wrapped around tiny newbies coming in 2013. Funny how it started with my own scare last spring, then my 29 year old and now my 25 year old, and despite there being an actual 'Lex in the family, no, don't expect a Lexx... That would be a little much. Otherwise have gone into my usual yearly aspie holiday shut down mode. Used to be able to play the game better, now I can't keep up and it's just wiser to let it all roll over the top while I hunker down in my cave and sip on hot chocolate.I'm not sure how I feel about stuff usually until about 3 months after whatever is going on has passed #aspie, so I'm kind of just sitting back and watching stuff happen. My pinkyguerrero twitter went from 20 something followers to hovering around 90 in the last two weeks, a few impressive authors in the mix, and I'm at a loss how stuff like that happens, so cool beans and I hope I don't disappoint anyone. Retweeting a Lexx movie quote where 790 is calling Stanley a security class retard lost me a follower within seconds, so I guess a few people actually have me on mobile alert, how flattering. I'll try to watch that kind of stuff, I know the R word is a big deal now, apologies. Hooking up with other website owners, always a pleasure. The most inspiring one to date is http://sfseriesandmovies.com/, that is a LOT of work. The plans I have for 2013 will hopefully live up to that level of productivity.My biggest challenge this month is super fibro flaring back up, full body spasm as I call it. No rhyme or reason but seems everything triggers it once it starts, so I had to cut out upper body workouts for a couple weeks, change the way I work, basically keep moving and stretching and resting, no sitting or standing for any length of time, because even just driving or working on the laptop or watching a 30 minute show on tv was making it worse. Just one of those things you wait to pass over while you get through it, have been doing this nearly all my life and very good at dealing. It's a nervous system disorder, once it hits it's like everything goes glitchy, and I have to wait for the system to run diagnostics and install repair apps and whatever. I have to admit, the stuff I go through gets a little scary, different nerve bundles around my body glitching can mimic all kinds of problems, but it's just the nerves fritzing around like an old string of Christmas lights. It's a running joke that I probably won't even know if I have a heart attack or stroke because I'm so used to feeling like I am all the time. One rheumatologist thinks it all started with untreated Lyme in high school, so there you go. Key recovery treatment is stay hydrated, sleep as much as possible, and excellent nutrition, which is good advice anyway. I always get a side order of depression when I flare, so that's another thing, make a plan every day, set reachable goals, work in small batches of time, small steps get big things done. When I feel like I'm not getting anywhere, I can look back and see how much I have gotten done and am pleasantly surprised. No matter how bad a day seems to get, I can say I did something positive, even if it's only one thing. It's a good lifestyle. I have very little tolerance for self pity, which I'm sure would turn me into a super villain.So, holidays all over the place, I'm skating slowly around the edge of the pond getting to the other side, and at least the lights are pretty. And thank goodness for live streaming, another Merlin coming up in two hours. Keeping pace with the other side of the world... Funny how we can do that just sitting around in our houses, right? Love this time we live in.
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sausage king of Chicago
I feel I must asplain. Maybe this post will help put all the info in an easy to find location in search engines, because I'm seeing some desperate looking search hits.There is only one Janika Banks, and that's me. Janika Banks is synonymous with Lexx, as is grandfortuna.xanga.com, so who is Janika Banks everywhere else?Janika Banks is-PinkyGuerrero on twitter http://twitter.com/PinkyGuerreroPinkyGuerrero on tumblr http://pinkyguerrero.tumblr.com/PinkyGuerrero on myspace http://www.myspace.com/pinkyguerreroPinky Guerrero on facebook http://www.facebook.com/pinky.guerrero.92PinkyGuerrero on fanpop http://www.fanpop.com/fans/pinkyguerreroPinky Guerreo on pinterest http://pinterest.com/pinkybluejacky/Pinky Guerrero on xanga http://pinkyguerrero.xanga.comJanika Banks on youtube http://www.youtube.com/janikabanksJanika Banks on xanga http://janikabanks.xanga.comJanika Banks on google http://plus.google.com/115655929947808774887/aboutJanika Banks on blogger http://jankita.blogspot.com/bluejacky on xanga http://bluejacky.xanga.comYablo on xanga http://yablovh.xanga.comYablo on twitter http://twitter.com/guidospockThere's more, scattered in the wind, somewhere out there. There are even other names. Since 1994 I have migrated through several user names across fandoms. This year I'm getting it all tied together. When I Lexx I am Janika Banks. Nearly everywhere else I am Pinky Guerrero. It's no secret or anything, just that I went through deleting a bunch of stuff, and my Janika twitter and facebook and myspace are gone, etc. So if you see any out there as Janika Banks, that's not me. If you're not a Lexx fan or bluejacky reader and wonder why in the world I'd make a post like this, here, have a little light entertainment for your trouble. -
in between times
Seriously, I do not know how autumn has managed to hang on this long. We've had so many years where autumn is a one-week blip or a two-week tease, so this 6 weeks stuff is blowing my mind.
Went to the sweetest little wedding last week so far out in the woods and hills that even the Tom-Tom got lost. Cool story. This homemade bracelet was shipped from Houston regular parcel, arrived overnight just in time for the wedding. Wonderful accident? A kind secret Santa postal worker? That was some serious good luck karma.
I am so glad I got antibiotic for sinus/ear infection before Thanksgiving. Felt like I was driving a helicoptor through traffic, badly. Still made it to the fitness center! Ha, I look so serious here. Too funny.
Ran into these in one of the Walmarts and about fell over. 25 years ago I tried one of those work at home things and bought a kit, learned to bead earrings, they always rejected my work, figured they must have a scam going and dropped it, just make up my own patterns now and bead earrings as gifts, no big deal. But I can't get over the horrible colors and crafstmanship, ~seriously~? Theirs first, mine second.
Staying home this year to watch Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade while Scott does the Turkey Trot, barring unforeseen whatever. Football, food, and then lounging the next day away while I snicker at the frantic Black Friday shoppers on news blurbs. I worked retail for a few years in a big chain, nice rush being a part of something big, but I truly don't miss it. -
Holidays with Diabetes- Easier Than You Think
I'm not a professional dietician- but I AM wildly successful at controlling my diabetes without meds. Before you blow me off, let me just say my mother wasn't. I have plenty of incentive.
So you're invited to a huge feast, and you've got diabetes. Or you're cooking for a big crowd, and you've got diabetes. The social pressure is on to stuff your face, and every cell in your body strains for the magical sensation of sweet and savory, tart and salty, the nostalgic flavors and aromas and all the good cheer that food can bring, because, let's face it, sometimes that's the best part of getting a lot of people together. Some of you will argue that the booze is the best part at this point, to which I give a polite nod.At every feast, it's cool for people to say they ate themselves into a coma. Have you ever wondered why you get so sleepy after lots of food? It's not the turkey! Ever since I got a glucose monitor and became a little scientist, I have been mapping the feel goodity of food. And I discovered something just a little scary- the sleepy 'coma' feeling usually comes after a big BIG carb load, and that's when your blood sugar goes way WAY high, despite any medications you might be taking to keep it down. Normal people think they can get away with this, but they get sleepy, too. What gives?I think that sleepy coma thing is the same reaction as people have to drinking alcohol, namely, the body shuts you down before you can send yourself over a toxic cliff. You fall asleep! Carb processing takes a little time. A carb overload, as everyone knows, results in FAT when you don't use it up. So what's a little fat, it's just one meal, right? That isn't the problem. The problems is in between the eating and the fat. For about two hours after you eat, your body does a complete inventory of incoming proteins, fats, and carbs. Nothing sits around too long or it makes you sick, so the body is constantly processing. Sometimes you get a bigger than normal shipment in, it takes a little longer to unload the truck and unpack all the boxes, and during all this, your pancreas and liver are working overtime to make sure YOU don't get a toxic buildup of raw materials dumping into your bloodstream. Like carbs.Carbs are necessary for energy, although your body can switch to burning fat and even protein when it has to. Any carbs not being used right now or in the immediate future have to be stored as quickly as possible, and since the pancreas and liver help with this filtering process, they overwork and get backlogged. If you've heard of 'fatty liver', this is one way people get it, and it's actually very common. Thanx to years of meds and diabetes, I have a liver condition called NASH. Many people have no clue they have a liver condition until their livers are very sick. I'm not paid to link this next site, but for the morbidly curious, it's pretty good info. Signs and Symptoms of Ten Common Liver DiseasesIn the last two years, I have turned myself completely around, lost 50 pounds, and have the best blood work in years, plus I made it through holidays last year without gaining a single pound. I didn't exercise much last winter, either, although I'm not advising you to *not* exercise. I'm currently in a program at the fitness center and feel so much better. But what I'm saying is, even with diabetes, I flew through holidays last year without any blood sugar problems. HOW????I think a lot of diabetics aren't aware that proteins and fats don't spike your blood sugar. They're also not aware that there is a big difference between fast carbs and slow carbs. It's really weird, but 'healthy' carbs that take longer to digest can actually keep your blood sugar higher for a longer time than fast carbs. Maybe you've heard of 'high glycemic' carbs. Those are legumes (beans), all grains, most fruits (berries are generally ok to eat), and the kinds of veggies that fall into roots (potatoes and carrots) and gourds (pumpkin and squash). On the other hand, leafy greens (letttuces and spinach), brassica (includes cabbage, cauliflower, broccoli) and a few other kinds of things that you might like in salads, like radishes and olives, barely bother your blood sugar at all. If you like charts, you can find a glycemic index of some kind all over the internet.
Here comes the easy part.The real scientists who came before me have figured out you can get away with about 10 grams of carbs per meal or snack roughly about every two hours without noticeably spiking your blood sugar, unless you're completely insulin dependent because your pancreatic beta cells literally can't produce your own insulin. Basically, you can have a cup of milk, as long as you skip all the bread, potatoes, corn, gravy, stuffing, and dessert. THAT SUCKS, you say. Ok, ok, you're right, that sucks. But I still really figured it out. I am a cookie addict. For many years, I haven't made it through a whole day without a cookie. Or two... J'adore cookies! When I found out about the glycemic thing and the 10 grams of carbs guideline, I thought ah-HA, but they can't make me stop eating cookies! I would break a cookie in half and wait a couple hours and eat the other half. I wound up eating cookies all day long that way.And that's the secret.First of all, it was thrilling to see my random and then my fasting glucose drop down all by itself without medication or exercise. I tried meds for 11 days and the doctor pulled me off, turns out I am excruciatingly med intolerant. And at the time, I was also too exercise intolerant to move around a whole lot. I wasn't that overweight, only 236 pounds (mostly from steroid meds), but coming from several generations of diabetics full of all kinds of complications, I know you don't necessarily lose a leg or your vision before you lose your life. Or worse, have multiple strokes and lose your ability to function and wind up in a nursing home for years. Because that happened to my mom. She was on the sorta skinny side when the strokes hit, but her glucose easily hit the 300-400's all the time. Her blood stayed 'sticky' all the time from her inability to process carbs properly, and that caused complications galore. She loved her pop and her flavored coffee and breakfast sweets and holiday goodies and mashed potatoes and bread...Remember, diabetes doesn't always make you fat, and plenty of bigger people don't even have diabetes. And remember, if you HAVE diabetes, YOU have problems processing carbs. Your poor body is trying to keep up.When I got into the habit of breaking my carb loads down into much more manageable chunks, I discovered it was getting easier and easier to do it all the time, even during holidays. Once you get used to actually feeling better (seriously, lost 50 pounds in 4 months ~doing that~), you suddenly notice how gross you feel when you 'carb out'. Like headaches. Wow, I couldn't believe how that cut down my headaches. And heartburn. I spent years treating heartburn, and while everyone thinks it's from fatty rich foods, I have proof that a goodly carb load is miserating for heartburn spiking back alive after you haven't experienced it in awhile. Also, my skin problems went away all by themselves, my liver enzymes went back to normal, my hair started growing in better, and I started feeling so much better that I was able to get out of the house and go shopping again. I went from driving a mobile cart around the store to walking around, and now I can walk all over a store before I get tired.See, when you constantly carb load with diabetes, you are diverting your body's priorities away from other things, because your body is constantly working on *saving your life* (and ultimately failing). That sleepy 'coma'? That is a desperate scream from your body to STOP, yes, even for normal people. I never used to know what it was like to have energy after I ate a meal. I have energy *all* *the* *time* now because my body no longer has to divert all its resources to frantically scrubbing my blood while everything else goes to pot. I know this sounds ridiculous to some of you, but can you think of a better way to describe what is actually happening after a person with diabetes eats a big meal?You can still eat pie and cake and gravy and creamed corn and all that stuff if you are diabetic, no one can stop you. But I'll tell you a secret. It's healthier if you simply just eat all the bacon you want ~instead~. Because that's what I did. I lost 50 pounds eating butter and bacon. I know that's *bad*, and I'm terrible for saying it. But I have the bloodwork to prove it worked for me. Triglycerides are fats made from carbs. You can lower triglycerides by cutting carbs. In the meantime, there are other ways to eat that are still very satisfying, like the Rosedale diet and the'caveman diet', also called the paleo diet.
A couple of myths about diabetes that annoy me to no end, because I've played the little scientist with my glucose monitor, is that eating protein with carbs slows down digestion so your glucose won't spike so badly, and eating cinnamon holds down blood glucose. There are more myths out there, but your body is no fool! There is no 'trick' that allows you to carb load without consequences when you are diabetic. Even normal people will get fatter when they carb load if they don't work it off right away like athletes, so no, there's no magic trick. Adding protein is good, yes, because people who carb load probably don't get enough protein anyway, but simply just eating protein doesn't give you free meter space for pie. Everything you eat with carbs impacts your entire body when you are diabetic.The best way into this is small steps. I gradually cut down my carbs and kept spreading them out through the day so I wouldn't feel like I was torturing myself. One good way to feel satisfied about holiday food is go ahead and cook it, but not all on the same day. Spread it out through the week, make the whole week a holiday, spread the wonderful taste through your life. And why not? Why not have pumpkin pie in the summer? Why not have eggnog in the spring? Maybe the reason we gorge is because we never get it otherwise, and it's ~so good~. But that makes it not as special on the holiday, you say. And I say, Ah, but it makes the rest of the year *more* special. Get used to parceling out the wonderful food through your whole life, get used to smaller rewards and feeling better, and holidays become a breeze. You don't have to torture yourself with celery and grapefruit, all you have to do is count your carbs. Two or three bites of pie every couple of hours as long as you keep the rest as proteins, healthy fats, and low glycemic veggies and berries, and you can eat all the pie you want, around the clock, for days and days and days, as long as you only eat two or three bites every two hours.One site that really helped me at the beginning was Blood Sugar 101. I was drowning in too much information until I found that site. Good luck with your stuff. I'm almost up to three years since I was diagnosed, and my doctor can't even tell on paper any more. My first year was full of huge changes and surprises, second year has been pretty sweet. Hugs to all of you still struggling with how to manage your diabetes. This works. Please try it.
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this year has been intoxicating
25 days ago.
Yesterday. I haven't seen an autumn last this long around here in years.
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Daycation
I took my last long drive of the year out with my dad last Saturday, and it was so reminiscent of my childhood, especially the last couple of hours being uber carsick. Don't worry, I didn't throw up. I'm grown up now. My sister was kinda cringing over against her door... I never thought about other people suffering through my suffering as a child, bet she's got poignant memories herself. But other than spending most of 12 hours in a vehicle, it was pretty cool and I got a few pix.This first one nearly got my camera banned on the spot. We'd already been to McDonald's next to the intersection in Seymour, and half the customers were Amish with their buggies parked outside and horses smartly trotting their buggies across the big highway, and I didn't get my camera out once, it's not polite, right. But there's a 6 mile stretch of highway where you meet buggy after buggy coming through, so I super zoomed through the windshield from the back seat and snapped. There was a little bit of discussion over whether it would be ethical of me to post it to my blog, but I argued that the horse wouldn't know the difference.
Accidentally got a pic of my feet. I am so in love with these shoes, ASICS® Gel - Kayano 18, not being paid to say that.
This is how I grew up, with atlases and maps in the car. Whichever kid got the front seat would be up to their eyeballs in maps 'navigating'. Dad loves our tom-tom, cracks me up watching him hold it and accidentally bump the screen every two minutes, one time had to reboot and another had to reset the whole route. It's like an electronic teddy bear for the car.
I let everyone else hold the map. I know we drove up C and wound up on the old Route 66.
This next part is mostly for any cousins who might happen to come through. We wound up at the Honda shop in Lebanon, #veryexciting. My dad and his brothers all had motorcycles, and Dad owned his own shop years ago with one of them. I've been told I was conceived on a motorcycle trip in California and have memories of being sandwiched between my parents on motorcycle trips (and mom was pregnant with my sister), and going to rallies and stuff. Anyway, what tickles me is Dad is this old Mennonite farmer and looks like he can barely get around with his bad knees, but he had to sit on several bikes around the store and yap with the owner for nearly an hour. He looks so cute. He sure wanted to take one home and relive some good old days. His favorite was the Honda Shadow.
This one is more my speed.
I still have one of Dad's old matchbooks. I think somewhere I've got the Dick & Dee Dee / Triumph Motorcycles 45 RPM, and I can still sing all the words.
After that we swung by Cackle Hatchery where I got my pretty girls, but they were closed, so then we jogged on up to Bennett Spring and hung out awhile.
The water in the spring was so clear that I could zoom through up to 30 feet and you couldn't even tell. We tried to figure out how big that rock must be, at least waist high, the top is barely above water.
Random pix.
Last bits of autumn there. I think these would make great 1000 piece puzzles.
These click to bigger if you want to read them.
I was pretty worn out by then, so this is all I got going home.
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Wabble- online Scrabble game
My sister got me a tad hooked on an playing an online scrabble game at wabble.org, called Wabble. They've got a really nice score keeping program and a chat box, and games can be set to public or private, or private password only but still viewable by the public. You can set your own level of strictness, which is awesome for me because I'm such a rule bender that I almost can't tolerate sitting through a normal game any more. I'll play by rules when I play with family, but when I play otherwise, I personally allow proper nouns, acronyms, abbreviations, foreign words, slang, etc as long as you can link me to a webpage that verifies it if I question the word. I get a kick out of theming my games to scifi and fantasy fiction shows and characters, so names are allowable in that context, like if you can spell Spock or Uther or something, just make sure I know where the name comes from if I'm not familiar with the show and that you really are spelling it correctly. I'm not one of those guts or glory players, points are fun and all, but I won't sit for 20 minutes trying to eek out another ten points somehow, and I'm not above slinging out a low pointer if the word is long and interesting.I often use wabble as a way to get through a tough day, and I set my laptop up in the kitchen so I can move around between plays and piddle my way through chores or cooking or another project I've got going. I can handle about 3-4 games per week, sometimes too pulled around like taffy to do more, but sure a nice way to get out of my head when I'm in too deep.I'm not very good at being pals online, I barely use my phone, and I'm not into instant messaging and texting and whatever other kind of messaging goes on, I'm a bit if a recluse that way, but it would be fun once in awhile to get a game going with other Lexx or Merlin fans or xanga bloggers. I've thought about how to set this up, since I've been imitated online in the past under both my Janika and Yablo names, and there are so many other Pinky's out there, I think the only way to do it is if I set up the game myself through my blog and always play as Janika. I might just leave this post around, and if anyone is interested you can comment here, message me through xanga or facebook, or email me (I won't get it right away, I log offline a LOT and I don't do the web on my phone), and we can work out some kind of arrangement for synchronizing game times. -
Team Nerd
I am determined more than ever to enjoy my burrito. I hit a brick wall full face on this last week and slid like a bug down a windshield. I had been coasting on this new 'energy' I've been having ever since I made up my determination to suck it up and get into physical therapy and then migrate upstairs to the fitness center over the last couple of months. My pain level was coming down a bit, I was actually moving around doing real things with my life, and all the words you think are for other people were starting to filter their way into my mind- sweet, awesome, this is cool. (And getting nearly 500 views on my post The Nerdist Way is blowing me away, too.)
But you know how it is, what goes up must come down, and all it took was a spectacular autumn peak like we haven't seen in years, and the allergies and benadryl turned into getting dehydrated again, and that spiked my fibro spasms till all the muscles across my back and butt felt like live snakes got loose under my skin, and that made it harder to drive and walk and work out...
I'm not back to square one, thank goodness, but I'm definitely back in the wimp corner. I made it into the fitness center yesterday after missing about 10 days (time to pay, that'll get a person going), and decided I could handle a workout if I just dial it back a bit, like when I was so wimpy getting started with the physical therapy at the end of August. To my surprise, I didn't have to dial back much at *all*.
Just kept it real slow and easy and actually pulled a 20 minute workout with severe fibromyalgia, which I could never have done in the past, but it's like Chris says in his book, just keeping up the routine, however wimpy, gave me muscle memory that apparently I am able to fall back on and not be as big a loser as I felt like I'd be. I was able to keep my workload and weights up where I had them, I just moved s-l-o-w-l-y so my muscles wouldn't freak out and had plenty of time to keep up with the activity. And you know what? I left feeling better than when I walked in. Worn out, but certainly not worse. (I guess I ultimately owe Trainer Tom a great big thanx for that.)
That was so inspiring that I decided it's time to seriously tackle part 3 of Chris Hardwick's book- The Nerdist Way- *TIME*. As in time management. The first time I read through the book (many months ago), I couldn't handle that part. If Chris had started his book with that section, I would never have made it, but he was a genius and small stepped me to gradual successes in other areas first, so I really do feel more mentally and physically prepared. I was inspired by part one to take my favorite stuff seriously and not see it as a waste of time, like so many people have told me all through my life. I was inspired by part two to get my poor mangled body into physical therapy for some real one on one with a professional who actually cares whether I feel gross and if I'm moving around correctly. It feels good to have someone pay a little attention to you when life sucks, you know? So I'm taking myself seriously, I'm getting out of the house, now I have this time management stuff I'm ready to look at.
I have Asperger's, I do not have a real sense of time. While I was in college and holding jobs, I had structure and I loved it. When I have a plan laid out, I know how to fill in the free time with other stuff I need to do. But when I finally ground to a halt and couldn't work and my brain fell out (which I've briefly touched on at spaz: blinking in the light), that structure was gone and time became a void. I realized as days and months went by that I need a Plan, and even more, I have to make a daily plan every single morning. You would think adapting to this over several years would become a habit, but when you deal with as much physical and mental loss as I have (and even less, it really doesn't take much), depression swoops in and finishes you off. People who have never had anxiety and depression don't have a *clue*. But Chris does, and now I'm getting back on a track I never dreamed I'd see again, because that man is blessed with words. I won't repeat a lot of them
, but I certainly can't complain at all.I know it is REALLY really hard when life sux. I once wrote a post about how I logically deduced that suicide wouldn't actually relieve me of any pain and anguish Synchronicity, Suicide, and The Eyes, and then I pulled it into protected posting while I went through the very worst of it because I really didn't see how I could live through everything I was dealing with. I'm making it public again, because this is important. Chris's words were important enough to help me change my life, and I believe the rest of us have that same power. It's important to TALK, to share, to use the words we have for other people to hang onto when life sux for them, too.
So here's the hard part for me now, and I think it is for some of you, too. Time. I have written reams of stuff about time, I'm a cosmology nut obsessed with time travel paradoxes (and working on a story!
), but in my own life, the paradox is that I can barely feel time passing at all. I'm one of those people who not only looks up and wonders where the last 8 hours just went, but also shows up to appointments on the wrong day, and Scott has actually had to correct me (he's gentle and kind, bless him) about what is coming on tv any given night, because I so easily mash Tuesday and Thursday together and it's really Wednesday. Or I'll ask when the Vikes are playing and Scott will remind me it's not Sunday. I really am lost without a class or work schedule structuring me through days, weeks, and months. One of my biggest challenges through the brain fog (that really is a medical term) has been following a calendar every day, and sometimes I'm off by a week or two and don't discover till after I've screwed up my whole day. Other people blow this off when I bring it up, saying everyone does that, but this is a very serious problem for me. Do you know anyone else who suddenly panics about missing the fourth of July and forgetting all about shooting off the fireworks, but the 4th is really still two weeks away? I've done that two years in a row. Just lately I let my driver's license expire because I couldn't get it straight in my head which actual day of the week was my birthday, even though I posted about it on Xanga ON my birthday. And, as always, Scott takes me under his wing and gets me back on track.
But guess what- setting up a schedule for physical therapy and then the fitness center seems to be breaking through all that. I have structure now! And I'm realizing I can set up this structure for myself by setting up goals through the fitness center, mapping out my whole month, and then filling up the free time with other things I want to get done. It's been incredible, except that, yeah, I hit the wall lately and slid like a bug yada yada.
Yeah, so I'm reading part 3 in The Nerdist Way these last couple of weeks and realizing Hey, I'm kinda getting this stuff... can I apply it to my own life? Might be tricky. The first thing I did, thank you Chris, was use my natural inclinations to compartmentalize my email into several accounts I already had set up and wasn't using, and I can't tell you how much this has already destressed me. Spam and junk that I can't seem to get turned off all go to one place (seems like every new app I try with Facebook and Twitter suddenly sends more my way), and doing business online goes to another. I won't rewrite his book, but I'll add that I know just even doing that much looks like a mountain of work to some of you, because it sure did to me. And then the other sections on finances and stuff, I mean, yeah, I'm a nerd, I *get* that the process will work, but the sheer brain fog I have to get through was so daunting that I had to put the book down, multiple times. But you know what? It's sinking in, line by line, week by week, and I'm actually doing it, bit by bit, and I'm THRILLED with the results. I truly am.
Get this- 4 months ago I was practically nonexistent on the internet. I had wiped out nearly everything I ever created, including my Facebook, Twitter, and Myspace accounts, most of my Xanga accounts, half my Photobucket (I still can't bear to think of the screams coming from Lexx fans around the world), and I barely logged on once a week even to email my own family. Where am I now? Lexx is coming back up, I have all new accounts all over the place, I'm not only able to keep track but I'm also producing material like crazy with brain fog and getting way more traffic than I ever expected or projected in only 4 months, and everyone around me is dizzy. We're ALL wondering how I'm doing it! TIME MANAGEMENT! Go Chris, you ~rock~! I started using some of those cool spirals I bought (your suggestion!) to keep lists of what I was getting done so I could see that every day I really was getting real work done. Even if all I do is fix a broken link, that is real work that I accomplished. Even if all I do is write down an idea I have for something later, that is real work that I accomplished. It's getting to where every time a little thought hits my brain, a few cells go Oh, that would only take a couple of minutes, let's go do that. I feel like I drag through my days doing tiny little things that don't mean much, but then I step back and look at the whole thing, like a post I wrote or a website I built or photos I got loaded into Photobucket, and I go wow, I really did get a LOT done. I feel like I muddle through my day, but it's more of a directioned muddling now, a sort of listed and inventoried muddling, and I've gotta tell you, I'm blowing my psychologist away. Five years with the guy, and he is watching Chris Hardwick change my life. I may not be able to sit or stand an hour straight on a job or function mentally well enough to follow directions, but I am still a very useful person doing what I love most on the internet.
My very favorite part of the Time section is "Become an Evil Genius". >=) heh heh. Oh, that Chris, we had brain sex right there, and it was really good for me. "Granted, some can be a pain in the ass- what with their carelessly snuffing out innocent lives in the selfish pursuit of their desires and all- but when you dissect their mental DNA, you find an EXCELLENT time manager that is willing to stop at nothing to achieve greatness." My personal skill set includes a severe sleep disorder. I have done meds and sleep hygiene and all that crap, but in the end, why not just get up and piddle around on the computer? I can sleep later! (I never do.) But instead of wasting all those wee hours popping awake at the crack of dawn on London time, why not just obsess over code wrangling? Which I *love*. Let other fans make the art manipulations, let other bloggers go on about politics and relationships, I'm busy mangling one of my blogs with html I swiped out of someone's source code, and omg I really did screw up the internal frames and tables on my blog andIcan'tfixit aaaahhhhh... I get my little thrills going.
Depression totally wasn't letting me do that, so Chris has somehow helped me break through the depression, too. My psychologist says it's because I have something to focus on and keep me busy now, which, again, circles back around to Chris. He says it's cool if I'm an evil genius.
Apologies, I got rambly, and some of you who stuck through this far are grumbling for me and Chris to get a room by now, but seriously, it's still working. About the time I think I'm sinking back to having only half a burrito left (love you too, Jonah Ray!), even when I feel stalled out, I notice I'm still going forward in a progressive kind of way, even if I have to get the magnifying glass out to measure micrometers. (Yes, I know, I'd really need a microscope.) I can only imagine where I'll be in another 4 months if I can keep this believing in myself momentum up!
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XANGA IS BACK - a public thank you to the Xanga Team.
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Laptop screencaps used in not for profit blog episode and character reviews and film study at grandfortuna.xanga.com and lexxperience.blogspot.com Copyright Disclaimer Under Section 107 of the Copyright Act 1976, allowance is made for "fair use" for purposes such as criticism, comment, news reporting, teaching, scholarship, and research. Fair use is a use permitted by copyright statute that might otherwise be infringing. Non-profit, educational or personal use tips the balance in favor of fair use."
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My first tracker was installed in 2004 and broke several times before moving to a new server, which lost a few months of stats, and then Xanga moved to new servers and I lost more stats for more months before the page came back up, so I've lost a total of about two years' worth of stats. The second was installed 2-22-14 and is considered very conservative by business owners who use analytics, which itself is very conservative, estimates being that roughly one third to one half of hits by real live people aren't even counted, most likely due to javascript discrepancies. Actual hits on several posts here are in the thousands now, and the Lexx Index in the ten thousands. I've got pingbacks turned off, so spam isn't counted at all within the Xanga internal tracker, and most direct post hits can be correlated to my real time linking activity on twitter and other social media. When I did Google Analytics beta testing I got to see how search engine performance compares to tracking. I believe live feed linking sources to various social medias are key to a future where search engines are more about performance than cataloging, which has been confirmed to me by coders who create bot algorithms as I was beta testing paper.li. I've fought hard through redundant age-old stacks to make my way to the google front lines again, so my Lexx work shows up faster on Chrome searches now. This has been a really interesting ride. At any rate, my point is, I can still go back 6 years on my original tracker and I can still see that in 2013 just before the last big blog server move, I was getting traffic like this (and since then, the tracker may have been abandoned, we can't tell). Click the thumbnail to see full size.
My original tracker also still lets me see the latest 500 visitors on a map. I once counted over 80 countries among the total visits. You guys are not alone. Click the map to see it better.
Besides Lexx, the most common search phrases that bring new visitors here are variations on 'huge spaceship'. The most seen post from a phrase search is How Big is the Lexx? My biggest Lexx referrer is Lexx Domain. Most of page views per person count comes from the Lexx tag on Tumblr. Visitors who stay the longest come through URLOpener and are pinged through the Google translator server in Mountain View, CA.
