Happy birthday to meeee!  And to whoever else whose birthday is today.

While I was so very sick, there was a woman named Sandy in my favorite grocery store who mostly bagged groceries, helped people out to their cars, and brought carts in. I think she's about my age, but her hair is already all white. I've seen her out in all kinds of nasty weather doing her job, and often wondered why she didn't move on to a different sort of job at her age. I got to know her over time because she was one of the kinder people I've met. I had so much difficulty even lifting things out of my cart about 3 years ago that she would unload for me, and then bag and reload. Then she'd walk with me shuffling out to my car while I hung onto the cart for support. She seemed intuitive to my physical disabilities, and eventually we started talking and I learned that one of her good friends had developed a nasty case of Guillain-Barre
after a flu shot, and spent a couple of years in and out of a hospital and care facilities. Since we see each other for less than 5 minutes 2-4 times a month, it took nearly 4 years for me to learn other things, as well. Her son and my son-in-law (about the same age) were both out of work at the same time for about the same length of time. She originally came from another state and doesn't have any family around here. And over the last year her husband had the kind of heart attack that required extensive surgery and created other problems, and she's been the sole source of income through all that while he lost his job and insurance. I have to interject here that she's one of the most matter of fact people I've met. Nothing she's ever told me was said with self pity or victimized attitude. That's just life, you plug away at it doing the best you can, and you shake your fist at the forces that are bigger than you, like the government for taking away his benefits and now it's all cash and the bills are tight, despite everything you hear on tv about hope and change and health care for all. This woman is remarkably grim and tough, and suddenly tells me a joke and laughs about life. She has no idea how much she helped me through the dark side of my own stuff.

Was rummaging around a picture folder and ran right into this one, me in my youngers days with John Deakins, author of the Barrow series.  Yours truly in my 20's.

I wrote another post back in 2008 on another blog, the Barrow series- John Deakins, and was friended with him on facebook till I deleted my old facebook.  I'm a terrible person and fell out of contact, even though we don't live that far apart. In fact, this blog is named after a Chinese restaurant in his town, isn't that funny?  

Anyway, one of those nolstalgic mornings. His son writes music, which I quite enjoy. Mysty Blue Productions 

Killing a little time before the next crazy thunderstorm hits. The last lightning storm lasted nearly 5 hours. We're under a tornado watch, so I'm watching the weather maps.

In 4 more years I'll be able to join a senior class at the fitness center. I don't look anywhere near old enough for that, but those foxy old ladies can outlast me by miles. I watched one old woman today do 6 1/2 miles at a dead run on a recumbent elliptical. Found out at the stretch cage she's 78. I did 15 minutes of 60 steps/min at workload '3' on a recumbent nustep, my best yet. After that I did 20 reps of 25 lbs on one weight machine and then 25 lbs on the lateral thigh thing both ways, and I knew I'd better stop. I still had to walk back through another building to get to my car in another parking lot nowhere near the fitness center. Better time my next visit a little better to avoid the cougar pack.

I remember trying to become a mall walker about 25 years ago. I was a young mother in college, but barely able to walk from class to class, and I thought maybe trying to get more exercise would help. The entire mall circuit was right around a mile, and most of the old people could do it in 20 minutes. It took me an hour when I finally did reach the point where I could handle a complete circuit, about 3 months into it at 3X a week. It was so weird, old people zipping past me making comments, while I forced my smiles and jokes back.

I've been crippled since I was 19. I'm able to hide it as long as I don't have to do anything beyond a fixed range of motion and speed. Most people have no clue how sick I feel from the pain that surges around my body at every motion. And I don't want them to. There is nothing more annoying than the awkwardness around neither them or me not knowing what to say beyond the usual "You're too young for that" and "Yeah, it sucks, but what do you do?" I've just learned not to talk about it. Spinal injuries are funny things. You don't have to break a bone to feel broken. The nerve damage is a roller coaster thing, sometimes you do pretty good, and sometimes you cycle through another rough patch.

I get a kick out of old people racing around like they are racing death. It's amusing when someone who is 78 can fling themselves around a gym like a stunt double and then complain that they're still fat after all that and they don't even drink pop. I may never be able to power walk through Walmart, but at least I'm not stuck using those complimentary motor carts any more. I finally caved to that for about 3 years, and I think everyone was relieved when I started cycling back up again. I'm a terrible driver. I once took out a wine display in a grocery store and had employees running over in their little aprons from every corner.

Anyway, I feel really good about how long I lasted today. I can handle about 30 minutes of exercise now, plus walking both ways through parking lots. Two years ago I was thrilled to be able to walk for ten minutes before I had to stop. Five years ago I needed help getting into a shower and getting dressed.

And I feel awesome that no one has a clue I'm over 50. Nice to have that if I can't pump elliptical like a maniac cougar.

This afternoon we're going to watch Dark Shadows, was so hard waiting all summer for it to come on pay per view. Scott said he used to watch the old series. I never got into it, but I heard the movie is really good.

Chris Hardwick was right. It's working.