November 14, 2012

  • Holidays with Diabetes- Easier Than You Think

     

    I'm not a professional dietician- but I AM wildly successful at controlling my diabetes without meds. Before you blow me off, let me just say my mother wasn't. I have plenty of incentive.
     
     
    So you're invited to a huge feast, and you've got diabetes. Or you're cooking for a big crowd, and you've got diabetes. The social pressure is on to stuff your face, and every cell in your body strains for the magical sensation of sweet and savory, tart and salty, the nostalgic flavors and aromas and all the good cheer that food can bring, because, let's face it, sometimes that's the best part of getting a lot of people together. Some of you will argue that the booze is the best part at this point, to which I give a polite nod.
     
    At every feast, it's cool for people to say they ate themselves into a coma. Have you ever wondered why you get so sleepy after lots of food? It's not the turkey! Ever since I got a glucose monitor and became a little scientist, I have been mapping the feel goodity of food. And I discovered something just a little scary- the sleepy 'coma' feeling usually comes after a big BIG carb load, and that's when your blood sugar goes way WAY high, despite any medications you might be taking to keep it down. Normal people think they can get away with this, but they get sleepy, too. What gives?
     
    I think that sleepy coma thing is the same reaction as people have to drinking alcohol, namely, the body shuts you down before you can send yourself over a toxic cliff. You fall asleep! Carb processing takes a little time. A carb overload, as everyone knows, results in FAT when you don't use it up. So what's a little fat, it's just one meal, right? That isn't the problem. The problems is in between the eating and the fat. For about two hours after you eat, your body does a complete inventory of incoming proteins, fats, and carbs. Nothing sits around too long or it makes you sick, so the body is constantly processing. Sometimes you get a bigger than normal shipment in, it takes a little longer to unload the truck and unpack all the boxes, and during all this, your pancreas and liver are working overtime to make sure YOU don't get a toxic buildup of raw materials dumping into your bloodstream. Like carbs.
     
    Carbs are necessary for energy, although your body can switch to burning fat and even protein when it has to. Any carbs not being used right now or in the immediate future have to be stored as quickly as possible, and since the pancreas and liver help with this filtering process, they overwork and get backlogged. If you've heard of 'fatty liver', this is one way people get it, and it's actually very common. Thanx to years of meds and diabetes, I have a liver condition called NASH. Many people have no clue they have a liver condition until their livers are very sick. I'm not paid to link this next site, but for the morbidly curious, it's pretty good info. Signs and Symptoms of Ten Common Liver Diseases
     
    In the last two years, I have turned myself completely around, lost 50 pounds, and have the best blood work in years, plus I made it through holidays last year without gaining a single pound. I didn't exercise much last winter, either, although I'm not advising you to *not* exercise. I'm currently in a program at the fitness center and feel so much better. But what I'm saying is, even with diabetes, I flew through holidays last year without any blood sugar problems. HOW????
     
    I think a lot of diabetics aren't aware that proteins and fats don't spike your blood sugar. They're also not aware that there is a big difference between fast carbs and slow carbs. It's really weird, but 'healthy' carbs that take longer to digest can actually keep your blood sugar higher for a longer time than fast carbs. Maybe you've heard of 'high glycemic' carbs. Those are legumes (beans), all grains, most fruits (berries are generally ok to eat), and the kinds of veggies that fall into roots (potatoes and carrots) and gourds (pumpkin and squash). On the other hand, leafy greens (letttuces and spinach), brassica (includes cabbage, cauliflower, broccoli) and a few other kinds of things that you might like in salads, like radishes and olives, barely bother your blood sugar at all. If you like charts, you can find a glycemic index of some kind all over the internet.
     
    Here comes the easy part.
     
    The real scientists who came before me have figured out you can get away with about 10 grams of carbs per meal or snack roughly about every two hours without noticeably spiking your blood sugar, unless you're completely insulin dependent because your pancreatic beta cells literally can't produce your own insulin. Basically, you can have a cup of milk, as long as you skip all the bread, potatoes, corn, gravy, stuffing, and dessert. THAT SUCKS, you say. Ok, ok, you're right, that sucks. But I still really figured it out. I am a cookie addict. For many years, I haven't made it through a whole day without a cookie. Or two... J'adore cookies! When I found out about the glycemic thing and the 10 grams of carbs guideline, I thought ah-HA, but they can't make me stop eating cookies! I would break a cookie in half and wait a couple hours and eat the other half. I wound up eating cookies all day long that way.
     
    And that's the secret.
     
    First of all, it was thrilling to see my random and then my fasting glucose drop down all by itself without medication or exercise. I tried meds for 11 days and the doctor pulled me off, turns out I am excruciatingly med intolerant. And at the time, I was also too exercise intolerant to move around a whole lot. I wasn't that overweight, only 236 pounds (mostly from steroid meds), but coming from several generations of diabetics full of all kinds of complications, I know you don't necessarily lose a leg or your vision before you lose your life. Or worse, have multiple strokes and lose your ability to function and wind up in a nursing home for years. Because that happened to my mom. She was on the sorta skinny side when the strokes hit, but her glucose easily hit the 300-400's all the time. Her blood stayed 'sticky' all the time from her inability to process carbs properly, and that caused complications galore. She loved her pop and her flavored coffee and breakfast sweets and holiday goodies and mashed potatoes and bread...
     
    Remember, diabetes doesn't always make you fat, and plenty of bigger people don't even have diabetes. And remember, if you HAVE diabetes, YOU have problems processing carbs. Your poor body is trying to keep up.
     
    When I got into the habit of breaking my carb loads down into much more manageable chunks, I discovered it was getting easier and easier to do it all the time, even during holidays. Once you get used to actually feeling better (seriously, lost 50 pounds in 4 months ~doing that~), you suddenly notice how gross you feel when you 'carb out'. Like headaches. Wow, I couldn't believe how that cut down my headaches. And heartburn. I spent years treating heartburn, and while everyone thinks it's from fatty rich foods, I have proof that a goodly carb load is miserating for heartburn spiking back alive after you haven't experienced it in awhile. Also, my skin problems went away all by themselves, my liver enzymes went back to normal, my hair started growing in better, and I started feeling so much better that I was able to get out of the house and go shopping again. I went from driving a mobile cart around the store to walking around, and now I can walk all over a store before I get tired.
     
    See, when you constantly carb load with diabetes, you are diverting your body's priorities away from other things, because your body is constantly working on *saving your life* (and ultimately failing). That sleepy 'coma'? That is a desperate scream from your body to STOP, yes, even for normal people. I never used to know what it was like to have energy after I ate a meal. I have energy *all* *the* *time* now because my body no longer has to divert all its resources to frantically scrubbing my blood while everything else goes to pot. I know this sounds ridiculous to some of you, but can you think of a better way to describe what is actually happening after a person with diabetes eats a big meal?
     
    You can still eat pie and cake and gravy and creamed corn and all that stuff if you are diabetic, no one can stop you. But I'll tell you a secret. It's healthier if you simply just eat all the bacon you want ~instead~. Because that's what I did. I lost 50 pounds eating butter and bacon. I know that's *bad*, and I'm terrible for saying it. But I have the bloodwork to prove it worked for me. Triglycerides are fats made from carbs. You can lower triglycerides by cutting carbs. In the meantime, there are other ways to eat that are still very satisfying, like the Rosedale diet and the'caveman diet', also called the paleo diet.
     
     
    A couple of myths about diabetes that annoy me to no end, because I've played the little scientist with my glucose monitor, is that eating protein with carbs slows down digestion so your glucose won't spike so badly, and eating cinnamon holds down blood glucose. There are more myths out there, but your body is no fool! There is no 'trick' that allows you to carb load without consequences when you are diabetic. Even normal people will get fatter when they carb load if they don't work it off right away like athletes, so no, there's no magic trick. Adding protein is good, yes, because people who carb load probably don't get enough protein anyway, but simply just eating protein doesn't give you free meter space for pie. Everything you eat with carbs impacts your entire body when you are diabetic.
     
    The best way into this is small steps. I gradually cut down my carbs and kept spreading them out through the day so I wouldn't feel like I was torturing myself. One good way to feel satisfied about holiday food is go ahead and cook it, but not all on the same day. Spread it out through the week, make the whole week a holiday, spread the wonderful taste through your life. And why not? Why not have pumpkin pie in the summer? Why not have eggnog in the spring? Maybe the reason we gorge is because we never get it otherwise, and it's ~so good~. But that makes it not as special on the holiday, you say. And I say, Ah, but it makes the rest of the year *more* special. Get used to parceling out the wonderful food through your whole life, get used to smaller rewards and feeling better, and holidays become a breeze. You don't have to torture yourself with celery and grapefruit, all you have to do is count your carbs. Two or three bites of pie every couple of hours as long as you keep the rest as proteins, healthy fats, and low glycemic veggies and berries, and you can eat all the pie you want, around the clock, for days and days and days, as long as you only eat two or three bites every two hours.
     
    One site that really helped me at the beginning was Blood Sugar 101. I was drowning in too much information until I found that site. Good luck with your stuff. I'm almost up to three years since I was diagnosed, and my doctor can't even tell on paper any more. My first year was full of huge changes and surprises, second year has been pretty sweet. Hugs to all of you still struggling with how to manage your diabetes. This works. Please try it.
     

November 13, 2012

November 9, 2012

  • Daycation

     

    I took my last long drive of the year out with my dad last Saturday, and it was so reminiscent of my childhood, especially the last couple of hours being uber carsick. Don't worry, I didn't throw up. I'm grown up now. My sister was kinda cringing over against her door... I never thought about other people suffering through my suffering as a child, bet she's got poignant memories herself. But other than spending most of 12 hours in a vehicle, it was pretty cool and I got a few pix.
     
    This first one nearly got my camera banned on the spot. We'd already been to McDonald's next to the intersection in Seymour, and half the customers were Amish with their buggies parked outside and horses smartly trotting their buggies across the big highway, and I didn't get my camera out once, it's not polite, right. But there's a 6 mile stretch of highway where you meet buggy after buggy coming through, so I super zoomed through the windshield from the back seat and snapped. There was a little bit of discussion over whether it would be ethical of me to post it to my blog, but I argued that the horse wouldn't know the difference.
     

    Accidentally got a pic of my feet. I am so in love with these shoes, ASICS® Gel - Kayano 18, not being paid to say that. 
     

     
    This is how I grew up, with atlases and maps in the car. Whichever kid got the front seat would be up to their eyeballs in maps 'navigating'. Dad loves our tom-tom, cracks me up watching him hold it and accidentally bump the screen every two minutes, one time had to reboot and another had to reset the whole route. It's like an electronic teddy bear for the car.
     

     
    I let everyone else hold the map. I know we drove up C and wound up on the old Route 66.

     

    This next part is mostly for any cousins who might happen to come through. We wound up at the Honda shop in Lebanon, #veryexciting. My dad and his brothers all had motorcycles, and Dad owned his own shop years ago with one of them. I've been told I was conceived on a motorcycle trip in California and have memories of being sandwiched between my parents on motorcycle trips (and mom was pregnant with my sister), and going to rallies and stuff. Anyway, what tickles me is Dad is this old Mennonite farmer and looks like he can barely get around with his bad knees, but he had to sit on several bikes around the store and yap with the owner for nearly an hour. He looks so cute. He sure wanted to take one home and relive some good old days. His favorite was the Honda Shadow.
     

    This one is more my speed.
     

     
    I still have one of Dad's old matchbooks. I think somewhere I've got the Dick & Dee Dee / Triumph Motorcycles 45 RPM, and I can still sing all the words.
     

     
    After that we swung by Cackle Hatchery where I got my pretty girls, but they were closed, so then we jogged on up to Bennett Spring and hung out awhile.
     

     
     
    The water in the spring was so clear that I could zoom through up to 30 feet and you couldn't even tell. We tried to figure out how big that rock must be, at least waist high, the top is barely above water.
     

     
    Random pix.
     

     
    Last bits of autumn there. I think these would make great 1000 piece puzzles.
     

     
    These click to bigger if you want to read them.
     

     
    I was pretty worn out by then, so this is all I got going home.
     

     

November 7, 2012

  • I Worship His Shadow- part 6- The Big Bug

    This is part 6.
    Go back to part 5.
    Go on to part 7.
    Return to The Lexx.
    Go to main blog.

    Images from photobucket.com/lexxpix. Thumbnails click to original size.

    I suppose I should put a caution up- you're about to see a really graphic bloody scene from a tv movie called Lexx: I Worship His Shadow. There is a 'basic guidance' age rating up on this post, but unless you're really into stuff like Walking Dead, maybe you should close your eyes until you get to the end.

    Stanley's day has been sucking since we left him. Seriously, having to turn yourself in to a detention center for punishment on the Cluster is NOT something you can console yourself over a bottle of beer later, and Stan is locked up in a sickening dread bordering on a headache and sour stomach. No more silly pot shots to pass the time, how to make time stop now is the big question.

    Notice the robot is now facing the disembarking prisoners. Well, I say that like they can actually step out, but they're still bolted to those heavy slabs and being moved along on a rail like an assembly line.

    I wonder what these robots actually do. Poor Stan....

    Can you imagine being moved around like that? No telling how long those prisoners have been bolted to those slabs, and I bet they haven't had a drink or bite or been to the restroom in many hours. One old guy recognizes Stanley. "You! I know you! Stanley Tweedle!", and starts calling out, "It's him! Stanley Tweedle!" Stanley starts sinking down in his chair, one of those weird omg nighmare moments on top of an already very bad day.

    But while the old prisoner is still calling out Stanley's name, a bolt breaks loose and his slab tips off and heavily bumps the other slabs around it (that would suck, you think someone kicking a seat behind you is bad) before it slams down to the floor and squashes him like a *bug*. (Ironic....) I would love to take a guess in a contest over how much those slabs must weigh to make that kind of splat, and I can't help thinking that even just mentioning the name Stanley Tweedle must be synonymous with cosmic bad luck. I wonder who that old guy was calling out to. Would the other prisoners know or care at this point who Stanley Tweedle is? Apparently someone does and yells out "Traitor!" while Stanley hides behind his desk. Seems they're taking Stanley kind of personally for some reason.

    That scene intrigues me. Stan isn't happy at all that someone recognizes him and knows who he is after years of being a prisoner stuck on the Cluster. These prisoners are being carted away to unknown fates, why would Stanley be mortified enough to actually get down and hide? He must have done something ~really~ bad. We find out later he's pretty famous.

    We don't see how far the slabs get railed into the docking center, but prisoner processing is efficient and quick. And we never find out what the person in blue is all about, but I love that outfit.

    Woe to humans the day they develop a holographic court system run through an automatic computer program. Oh, wait, that's happening.... They get the equivalent of a court appointed attorney, a prosecuting attorney, and a judge who passes sentence, all holograms running on preset programs. I'm not sure why bother is even made over protocol, unless it's to pound home the humiliating and very terrifying inhumanity of the ordeal, like layer after layer of nightmarish theatrics. Argon Protopi, Pie Maker is first up. As his slab rolls into place, the hologram program comes up and one of the robots starts dialing on a machine. It's freaky that the robot has human arms, but not a human head.

    An elaborate headgear assembly lowers and clamps onto Argon Protopi's head. There's a nasty looking red stained spike thing aimed at his right parietal lobe. The slab locks into place with a jolt and Argon Protopi can't so much as nod his head. The defense argument starts immediately without preamble. "My client", and here another automated voice says his name, like it's filling in the blank -Argon Protopi, Pie Maker, Class 2, Orbital 5- "is innocent of the charge of" insert glitch and accusation from a preprogrammed list "failing to pay money owed to the temple and throws himself upon the mercy of this court, secure in the knowledge that His Shadow's wisdom will prevail upon these proceedings." And here the robot presses a button with his thumb and the spike jabs into Argon's brain. I'm not sure if it's a mechanical voice from the robot or the machine he's working, but we hear "memory search commencing".

    A screen hooked up to the memory search gear starts showing blips of scenes that look vaguely like Argon may have been involved with some temple prostitutes, but as it digs deeper into his memories, he cringes and clenches down into his immovable slab, obviously in some kind of weird sickening pain. Whatever that spiky probe is created to do, one thing it seems to be good at is using radio signals to forcibly prompt the brain to show specific memories that will reinforce whatever accusation is made, because the next thing we see on the screen is Argon refusing to give money to temple clerics begging for alms. I can't think of a more convenient and successful self incriminating method to run people through a 100% guilty judicial racket, because the human brain naturally focuses in on the very thing that will get it killed, especially when prompted with a suggestion. And if that's all it takes to get you removed from society and whisked off across a galaxy to this hellhole...

    The judge immediately finds Argon guilty and adds "You are therefore sentenced to have your individual life terminated; however, His Merciful Shadow will allow many of your vital organs to live on as components used in the making of robotic drones." Argon has started sputtering and whimpering as the judge goes on. "Your unusable flesh will be contributed to the Protein Bay where it will be recycled for purposes that serve His Shadow." Poor Argon is rolling his eyes around to the frozen defense attorney still smiling at him.

    The robot flips a switch, the rail switches to a different track, and Argon's slab turns and rolls toward a wall with patterns cut into it. His fear consumes him and he starts screaming, "You can have whatever you want! I'll pay! I'll pay!" As his slab moves away and the next prisoner advances into place, his defense attorney turns into a hologram of a Divine Cleric that quickly says "In the execution of this sentence you are hereby cleansed of your crimes against the League of 20,000 Planets. May His Merciful Shadow fall upon you."

    As Argon's slab approaches the wall with the die cuts, rotary blades snap out from the grooves and start whirring and moving along their tracks, which are in the familiar shapes of human organs. Just before he reaches the wall, two robots monitoring his progress salute him, saying "I worship His Shadow."

    His slab presses against the die cuts, he screams as a bowl with two nozzles of spraying water moves into place, and the prisoner next in line gets caught in the face with a spray of Argon's blood escaping through a gap around the slab. If she'd been able, I think she would have thrown up, but she was already too starving and exhausted from being on her slab so long. The way she looked and sounded when that happened made me feel really bad for her, because you know she knows she's next.

    It kinda hits you that this woman is his only connection to anything human during his horrible death, and she suffers through it with the kind of anguish only humans feel in such brief moments of terrifying clarity and sickening horror. I think her face perfectly captures the human condition that philosophers go on about, caught up in the absurdity of being in a place of utter hopelessness. George Orwell's Big Brother is starting to look pretty good, isn't he? Like rainbows and kittens compared to His Shadow's rule over the League of 20,000.

    Argon has already stopped screaming and his brain plops out into the bowl. After the bowl with Argon's brain moves away, a big plastic sack moves into its place and the rest of his organs fall into it as the razors keep cutting. We never see where the rest of his body goes, limbs and spine. The bag gets sealed and dumped down a chute to fall onto a conveyor to join more packages... Wait, a conveyor??

    Which is alongside other conveyors...

    ..which are alongside other conveyors...

    ..all streaming packages filled with what is presumably freshly removed tissue from other prisoners all over the docking center, which means this is being carried out continually by the hundreds of prisoners per hour, maybe even thousands. How do you measure something like that? Where do they get all those people? What in the world are they being harvested for? Because that's what this is- a harvest.

    O!M!G!  It's. a. big. bug.  *Big*I would faint if I saw that in real life.

    The handful of you that have read through my survey blog and know I can't do bloody scenes in shows any more are going wtf, but it's ok, I'm immune to this one because I watched it so many times back when it was new. And I want to congratulate you, you've made it through the sickest part, and everything else from here out is a piece of cake. I could be lying. But maybe I'm not. Or I might be. It's hard to tell.

    I just can't imagine what the crap any of this might have to do with Stanley Tweedle...

    If you are getting interested and I'm moving too slowly, The cult sci-fi series LEXX comes home - Dallas TV | Examiner.com says All four seasons are now available through Echo Bridge Entertainment. For more information head over to https://www.echobridgeentertainment.com I'm not being paid to link that, I just love this show.

    (Ignore this part, this is pre-server migration.) I'm sorry if the like button is posting over as generic Xanga instead of this post, Facebook's platform updates have recently gone through some changes, and I'm still wrangling with it, but I'm taking a break and I'll work on it later. If you want to link this to your facebook, manually input this post address directly into your facebook status and you'll get it. Sorry for the inconvenience.  Ok, that's pulling through only the generic Xanga, too.
    Like Buttons and Stories to the Right Audience
    We're updating the way you restrict the audience for the Like button, as part of the Like Button Migration, and resulting stories to give you more control. Going forward, in order to limit the distribution of age gating stories to people in the appropriate country or age group, you must include a metatag on your URLs indicating the restriction. Please review our documentation on how to do this. For more details, see the blog post where we announced this breaking change. -"Facebook developers will have the option of testing this migration before it takes effect permanently on November 7, 2012 for all Like Button social plugins." Yes, that is today, and since I age restrict my Lexx posts to basic guidance, that seems to break my internal Xanga like button or something and I have to make my own.  That or all the major web hosts will update their facebook platforms and it will all magically get fixed.

    This is part 6.
    Go back to part 5.
    Go on to part 7.
    Return to The Lexx.
    Go to main blog.

November 6, 2012

  • Wabble- online Scrabble game

     

    My sister got me a tad hooked on an playing an online scrabble game at wabble.org, called Wabble. They've got a really nice score keeping program and a chat box, and games can be set to public or private, or private password only but still viewable by the public. You can set your own level of strictness, which is awesome for me because I'm such a rule bender that I almost can't tolerate sitting through a normal game any more. I'll play by rules when I play with family, but when I play otherwise, I personally allow proper nouns, acronyms, abbreviations, foreign words, slang, etc as long as you can link me to a webpage that verifies it if I question the word. I get a kick out of theming my games to scifi and fantasy fiction shows and characters, so names are allowable in that context, like if you can spell Spock or Uther or something, just make sure I know where the name comes from if I'm not familiar with the show and that you really are spelling it correctly. I'm not one of those guts or glory players, points are fun and all, but I won't sit for 20 minutes trying to eek out another ten points somehow, and I'm not above slinging out a low pointer if the word is long and interesting.
     
    I often use wabble as a way to get through a tough day, and I set my laptop up in the kitchen so I can move around between plays and piddle my way through chores or cooking or another project I've got going. I can handle about 3-4 games per week, sometimes too pulled around like taffy to do more, but sure a nice way to get out of my head when I'm in too deep.
     
    I'm not very good at being pals online, I barely use my phone, and I'm not into instant messaging and texting and whatever other kind of messaging goes on, I'm a bit if a recluse that way, but it would be fun once in awhile to get a game going with other Lexx or Merlin fans or xanga bloggers. I've thought about how to set this up, since I've been imitated online in the past under both my Janika and Yablo names, and there are so many other Pinky's out there, I think the only way to do it is if I set up the game myself through my blog and always play as Janika. I might just leave this post around, and if anyone is interested you can comment here, message me through xanga or facebook, or email me (I won't get it right away, I log offline a LOT and I don't do the web on my phone), and we can work out some kind of arrangement for synchronizing game times.
     

November 2, 2012

November 1, 2012

  • Team Nerd

    I am determined more than ever to enjoy my burrito. I hit a brick wall full face on this last week and slid like a bug down a windshield. I had been coasting on this new 'energy' I've been having ever since I made up my determination to suck it up and get into physical therapy and then migrate upstairs to the fitness center over the last couple of months. My pain level was coming down a bit, I was actually moving around doing real things with my life, and all the words you think are for other people were starting to filter their way into my mind- sweet, awesome, this is cool. (And getting nearly 500 views on my post The Nerdist Way is blowing me away, too.)

    But you know how it is, what goes up must come down, and all it took was a spectacular autumn peak like we haven't seen in years, and the allergies and benadryl turned into getting dehydrated again, and that spiked my fibro spasms till all the muscles across my back and butt felt like live snakes got loose under my skin, and that made it harder to drive and walk and work out...

    I'm not back to square one, thank goodness, but I'm definitely back in the wimp corner. I made it into the fitness center yesterday after missing about 10 days (time to pay, that'll get a person going), and decided I could handle a workout if I just dial it back a bit, like when I was so wimpy getting started with the physical therapy at the end of August. To my surprise, I didn't have to dial back much at *all*.  Just kept it real slow and easy and actually pulled a 20 minute workout with severe fibromyalgia, which I could never have done in the past, but it's like Chris says in his book, just keeping up the routine, however wimpy, gave me muscle memory that apparently I am able to fall back on and not be as big a loser as I felt like I'd be. I was able to keep my workload and weights up where I had them, I just moved s-l-o-w-l-y so my muscles wouldn't freak out and had plenty of time to keep up with the activity. And you know what? I left feeling better than when I walked in. Worn out, but certainly not worse.  (I guess I ultimately owe Trainer Tom a great big thanx for that.)

    That was so inspiring that I decided it's time to seriously tackle part 3 of Chris Hardwick's book- The Nerdist Way- *TIME*. As in time management. The first time I read through the book (many months ago), I couldn't handle that part. If Chris had started his book with that section, I would never have made it, but he was a genius and small stepped me to gradual successes in other areas first, so I really do feel more mentally and physically prepared. I was inspired by part one to take my favorite stuff seriously and not see it as a waste of time, like so many people have told me all through my life. I was inspired by part two to get my poor mangled body into physical therapy for some real one on one with a professional who actually cares whether I feel gross and if I'm moving around correctly. It feels good to have someone pay a little attention to you when life sucks, you know? So I'm taking myself seriously, I'm getting out of the house, now I have this time management stuff I'm ready to look at.

    I have Asperger's, I do not have a real sense of time. While I was in college and holding jobs, I had structure and I loved it. When I have a plan laid out, I know how to fill in the free time with other stuff I need to do. But when I finally ground to a halt and couldn't work and my brain fell out (which I've briefly touched on at spaz: blinking in the light), that structure was gone and time became a void. I realized as days and months went by that I need a Plan, and even more, I have to make a daily plan every single morning. You would think adapting to this over several years would become a habit, but when you deal with as much physical and mental loss as I have (and even less, it really doesn't take much), depression swoops in and finishes you off. People who have never had anxiety and depression don't have a *clue*. But Chris does, and now I'm getting back on a track I never dreamed I'd see again, because that man is blessed with words. I won't repeat a lot of them , but I certainly can't complain at all.

    I know it is REALLY really hard when life sux. I once wrote a post about how I logically deduced that suicide wouldn't actually relieve me of any pain and anguish Synchronicity, Suicide, and The Eyes, and then I pulled it into protected posting while I went through the very worst of it because I really didn't see how I could live through everything I was dealing with. I'm making it public again, because this is important. Chris's words were important enough to help me change my life, and I believe the rest of us have that same power. It's important to TALK, to share, to use the words we have for other people to hang onto when life sux for them, too.

    So here's the hard part for me now, and I think it is for some of you, too. Time. I have written reams of stuff about time, I'm a cosmology nut obsessed with time travel paradoxes (and working on a story!  ), but in my own life, the paradox is that I can barely feel time passing at all. I'm one of those people who not only looks up and wonders where the last 8 hours just went, but also shows up to appointments on the wrong day, and Scott has actually had to correct me (he's gentle and kind, bless him) about what is coming on tv any given night, because I so easily mash Tuesday and Thursday together and it's really Wednesday. Or I'll ask when the Vikes are playing and Scott will remind me it's not Sunday. I really am lost without a class or work schedule structuring me through days, weeks, and months. One of my biggest challenges through the brain fog (that really is a medical term) has been following a calendar every day, and sometimes I'm off by a week or two and don't discover till after I've screwed up my whole day. Other people blow this off when I bring it up, saying everyone does that, but this is a very serious problem for me. Do you know anyone else who suddenly panics about missing the fourth of July and forgetting all about shooting off the fireworks, but the 4th is really still two weeks away? I've done that two years in a row. Just lately I let my driver's license expire because I couldn't get it straight in my head which actual day of the week was my birthday, even though I posted about it on Xanga ON my birthday. And, as always, Scott takes me under his wing and gets me back on track.

    But guess what- setting up a schedule for physical therapy and then the fitness center seems to be breaking through all that. I have structure now! And I'm realizing I can set up this structure for myself by setting up goals through the fitness center, mapping out my whole month, and then filling up the free time with other things I want to get done. It's been incredible, except that, yeah, I hit the wall lately and slid like a bug yada yada.

    Yeah, so I'm reading part 3 in The Nerdist Way these last couple of weeks and realizing Hey, I'm kinda getting this stuff... can I apply it to my own life? Might be tricky. The first thing I did, thank you Chris, was use my natural inclinations to compartmentalize my email into several accounts I already had set up and wasn't using, and I can't tell you how much this has already destressed me. Spam and junk that I can't seem to get turned off all go to one place (seems like every new app I try with Facebook and Twitter suddenly sends more my way), and doing business online goes to another. I won't rewrite his book, but I'll add that I know just even doing that much looks like a mountain of work to some of you, because it sure did to me. And then the other sections on finances and stuff, I mean, yeah, I'm a nerd, I *get* that the process will work, but the sheer brain fog I have to get through was so daunting that I had to put the book down, multiple times. But you know what? It's sinking in, line by line, week by week, and I'm actually doing it, bit by bit, and I'm THRILLED with the results. I truly am.

    Get this- 4 months ago I was practically nonexistent on the internet. I had wiped out nearly everything I ever created, including my Facebook, Twitter, and Myspace accounts, most of my Xanga accounts, half my Photobucket (I still can't bear to think of the screams coming from Lexx fans around the world), and I barely logged on once a week even to email my own family. Where am I now? Lexx is coming back up, I have all new accounts all over the place, I'm not only able to keep track but I'm also producing material like crazy with brain fog and getting way more traffic than I ever expected or projected in only 4 months, and everyone around me is dizzy. We're ALL wondering how I'm doing it! TIME MANAGEMENT! Go Chris, you ~rock~! I started using some of those cool spirals I bought (your suggestion!) to keep lists of what I was getting done so I could see that every day I really was getting real work done. Even if all I do is fix a broken link, that is real work that I accomplished. Even if all I do is write down an idea I have for something later, that is real work that I accomplished. It's getting to where every time a little thought hits my brain, a few cells go Oh, that would only take a couple of minutes, let's go do that. I feel like I drag through my days doing tiny little things that don't mean much, but then I step back and look at the whole thing, like a post I wrote or a website I built or photos I got loaded into Photobucket, and I go wow, I really did get a LOT done. I feel like I muddle through my day, but it's more of a directioned muddling now, a sort of listed and inventoried muddling, and I've gotta tell you, I'm blowing my psychologist away. Five years with the guy, and he is watching Chris Hardwick change my life. I may not be able to sit or stand an hour straight on a job or function mentally well enough to follow directions, but I am still a very useful person doing what I love most on the internet.

    My very favorite part of the Time section is "Become an Evil Genius". >=) heh heh. Oh, that Chris, we had brain sex right there, and it was really good for me. "Granted, some can be a pain in the ass- what with their carelessly snuffing out innocent lives in the selfish pursuit of their desires and all- but when you dissect their mental DNA, you find an EXCELLENT time manager that is willing to stop at nothing to achieve greatness." My personal skill set includes a severe sleep disorder. I have done meds and sleep hygiene and all that crap, but in the end, why not just get up and piddle around on the computer? I can sleep later! (I never do.) But instead of wasting all those wee hours popping awake at the crack of dawn on London time, why not just obsess over code wrangling? Which I *love*. Let other fans make the art manipulations, let other bloggers go on about politics and relationships, I'm busy mangling one of my blogs with html I swiped out of someone's source code, and omg I really did screw up the internal frames and tables on my blog andIcan'tfixit aaaahhhhh... I get my little thrills going. 

    Depression totally wasn't letting me do that, so Chris has somehow helped me break through the depression, too. My psychologist says it's because I have something to focus on and keep me busy now, which, again, circles back around to Chris. He says it's cool if I'm an evil genius.

    Apologies, I got rambly, and some of you who stuck through this far are grumbling for me and Chris to get a room by now, but seriously, it's still working. About the time I think I'm sinking back to having only half a burrito left (love you too, Jonah Ray!), even when I feel stalled out, I notice I'm still going forward in a progressive kind of way, even if I have to get the magnifying glass out to measure micrometers. (Yes, I know, I'd really need a microscope.) I can only imagine where I'll be in another 4 months if I can keep this believing in myself momentum up!

October 31, 2012

October 30, 2012

  • I Worship His Shadow- part 5- The Time Prophet

    I want all my Lexx readers around the world to know that Xanga is THE BEST. Their servers are housed on the 8th floor of a building in New Jersey, and they've got Xanga running on generators and diesel fuel while the city is so flooded from hurricane Sandy that no one has utilities. If you can't pull up my Lexx posts in the near future, it means they ran out of fuel and we'll have to wait till they get more or get electric hooked up. Please know I support Xanga with four paid sites and will continue to do so to infinity *especially* after I was able to get this Part 5 posted during a hurricane.

    This is part 5.
    Go back to part 4.
    Go on to part 6.
    Return to The Lexx.
    Go to main blog.

    Images from photobucket.com/lexxpix. Thumbnails click to original size.

    Ok, so the purple essence from the old guy is in the new guy now, and his brain isn't working right anymore because he's been lobotomized. Those Devine Clerics don't mess around, so I hope you never become a prisoner on the Cluster! And remember I was wondering how this could catch them so flat footed at the last minute, well, changing hosts might be a once in a lifetime event for them. These Clerics had probably never witnessed a host transfer, but had been firmly exercised in protocols on how to handle this situation, so they stepped up and did everything they were supposed to. Almost. Um, not exactly...

    The once viciously struggling prisoner is now docile and gives the Clerics no problems while they untie him and remove the tube from his mouth. He looks pretty out of it, doesn't he?

    The essence must be taking over, because it's doing weird things to his eyes. It's like he's not even human anymore.

    That essence, though, seems to occupy more than his body. The hooded robe gathers itself up from the old body and transfers itself to the prisoner's new host body and completely shrouds him in the same robe and hood. (BTW, I know this is way off, but I couldn't help noticing that His Shadow's chaotic swirliness is like the "Rainbow of Darkness" from the original 1984 My Little Pony. I think, like Plato, that symbolism has its root in something real beyond our realm, and I hate to creep you out, but that means His Shadow is a real dude... And before you say anything, there is some discussion over whether Stan Lee is a Bronie, so back off.)

    He walks over to a pedestal and rises several stories up to join the waiting brains.

    His Shadow takes arguing with one's self to new heights, and I'm not even going to apologize for this one. Sitting with the Divine Predecessors on pedestals high above everyone else, all derived from his own essence, His Shadow is surrounded by his own evil genius, a sort of storage for millennia of memory overflow. What super villain wouldn't love that?

    And I love his robe. Did you click the thumbnail and get a better view? All the segmentation, and the glittery dark red in the crevices, he's like a giant creepy roly-poly...

    So he arrives at this surreal height, a weird mystical monochromatic platform over all the other life crawling below him on the Cluster, and the brains greet him. "Divine Shadow, may your reign be long and orderly." In the fashion of a ruler following court etiquette, he answers, "Divine Predecessors, I thank you for your gift of selection. I will serve Order, I will serve you, and I will serve myself." A collective quick gasp of shock didn't stop the brains from plunging forward into their unified address. "Divine Shadow, today is a dark day for heretics and infidels throughout our universe. The Lexx will soon be fully grown, and you will be able to send it on its voyage bringing destruction upon all those who would oppose the League of 20,000."

    Yeah, I know, what was that gasp all about? I think we're about to find out. I don't think the Predecessors quite realized the portent of that revelation of 'self'.

    "And how will we know which planets shelter enemies of Order, which planets are to be chosen for destruction?" "That will be your task." "Then my task is complete. I choose to destroy them all."

    Um, THAT one is getting a reaction. "That has not been our plan!"

    I gotta stop here a second. ALL these brains are previous incarnations of the same guy, right? This is apparently the first time ~ever~ that he has argued with himself like this, and it's really catching them by surprise. What in the world happened?!?

    "Divine Predecessors, I am formed from you, but my host brain was not fully cleansed and therefore I am also formed of humans. I will choose my own path, and I choose that I, myself, will command the Lexx on its voyage of destruction."

    Got that? The essence is definitely non human and apparently hive minded... For some reason His Shadow has concocted his own hive mind, and this is a huge hint about more history coming in season 2, because the next obvious question is why in the world is he alone among humans like this. But back to the brains freaking out. It's kinda funny how you can have this scene of utter shock and dismay going on with beings who can't even animate themselves.

    "But the prophecy!" I think they glow harder when they're exhibiting shock. Or maybe not, but it looks cool.

    "I have no patience for your ancient superstitions! (Spoken like a true recently lobotomized human, almost wanna root for the guy.) The Brunnen G have been extinct for over 2000 years!"

    "The Divine Shadow must never leave the Cluster unless there is great peril. We need each other's strength." (Now the question arises why the host essence is that much more important than the collective preserved essence that they actually fear his peril; perhaps His Shadow's essence is the only part that can move along and animate successive hosts, so be on the look out for what actually keeps the brains themselves going in the 4th movie.)

    "I agree, Divine Predecessors. I will not risk being separated from your wisdom and guidance, as you will join me on my voyage." His Shadow casually lifts a hand and all the pedestals lower. If the brains could noticeably fidget at this point along with their gasps, I'm sure they'd have been jumping up and down having spasms. They are terrified at this sudden huge change in a core plan that's been in place for many years.

    We see a cargo vessel fly out of the inner sanctum, carrying all the Predecessors.

    "The prophecy is upon us!" some moan in fear. "It's impossible!" others counter. "The prophecy is fake! The Brunnen G are extinct!" I guess it takes a botched lobotomy to bring all those underlying self doubts to the surface, because these brains of one essence are still arguing amongst themselves. One thing I've really liked about this movie is how the lighting and color is used, and this scene especially, all black and red and stark light flashing over, you really feel like you're riding along with them.

    "Brethren, I was the one who killed them all, but I did not destroy them all. One specimen was preserved!" "Impossible!" "Predecessors, look into me..."

    And here we get the story all over again about how His Shadow killed Kai and took his memories...

    ...but now we get to see what the most crucial memory was.

    This is the Time Prophet. Not just any time prophet, THE Time Prophet. The swirly symbol on her headpiece represents the Cycles of Time.

    Kai asks, "Will the forces of His Shadow destroy us?"

    She says, "Time, as you know, had a beginning, and time has an end, and then time begins again, as we shall each live our lives again, exactly as before. I have been gifted to see into the old cycles of time, not very clearly, mind you, but I have learnt that in the future-past, the Brunnen G, the great victor in the war against the Insect civilization, shall be destroyed at the hand of His Shadow. But after His Shadow leaves the Cluster, they will be destroyed at the hands of the Brunnen G. This has happened before. It will happen again."

    And at that memory, the Predecessors fall into a panic.  "We are boarding the Lexx! We will all be destroyed!"

    Well, the guy has been dead over 2000 years, maybe these brains still know something we don't know yet...

    This is part 5.
    Go back to part 4.
    Go on to part 6.
    Return to The Lexx.
    Go to main blog.

cookie

Please go to Lexxperience.com for updates. This site is not yet EU cookie compliant and being blocked in some countries outside the U.S.

LEXX 20th Anniversary- 2016  photo 20yearssnip.jpg

 photo vsmlett.gif

Lexx Index

 photo lexxheader.jpg

XANGA IS BACK - a public thank you to the Xanga Team.

 photo lexxperienceheader2.jpg Lexxperience.com supports mobile viewing until Xanga gets that going again. (It's back on my Android now when I turn it sideways.)

Lexxperience is also on Facebook  photo lexxperiencepageavatar.jpg Public sharing page for Lexx fans.

Open discussion in the Lexxperience group on Facebook if you'd like to interact with me and other fans about what I'm writing about Lexx.

Fanlisting

 photo lexxtm10050013.png  photo lexxts10050003.png

SAVE LEXX <-- what's happening with this blog.

I will NEVER ask for or accept donations to keep this site going. Ever.

Laptop screencaps used in not for profit blog episode and character reviews and film study at grandfortuna.xanga.com and lexxperience.blogspot.com Copyright Disclaimer Under Section 107 of the Copyright Act 1976, allowance is made for "fair use" for purposes such as criticism, comment, news reporting, teaching, scholarship, and research. Fair use is a use permitted by copyright statute that might otherwise be infringing. Non-profit, educational or personal use tips the balance in favor of fair use."

My screencaps are hosted at LexxPix. You are welcome to use my bandwidth to share these pix to other sites.

Join registered hashtags #Lexxperience, #Lexx, and mashtag #MerLexxian for real time twitter feed, photos, and videos.

Public hashtag #pblexxpix goes to a shared album in my photobucket. Anything on twitter, instagram, and photobucket labeled with this hashtag will automatically appear in this album as well. You are welcome to use my bandwidth to share these pix to other sites.

Lexx fans have permission to translate and copy my material to other fan sites and hotlink images from this blog.

dotcom disclaimer

Subscribe in a reader

Subscribe to GrandFortuna by Email

Site Meter

web stats

My first tracker was installed in 2004 and broke several times before moving to a new server, which lost a few months of stats, and then Xanga moved to new servers and I lost more stats for more months before the page came back up, so I've lost a total of about two years' worth of stats. The second was installed 2-22-14 and is considered very conservative by business owners who use analytics, which itself is very conservative, estimates being that roughly one third to one half of hits by real live people aren't even counted, most likely due to javascript discrepancies. Actual hits on several posts here are in the thousands now, and the Lexx Index in the ten thousands. I've got pingbacks turned off, so spam isn't counted at all within the Xanga internal tracker, and most direct post hits can be correlated to my real time linking activity on twitter and other social media. When I did Google Analytics beta testing I got to see how search engine performance compares to tracking. I believe live feed linking sources to various social medias are key to a future where search engines are more about performance than cataloging, which has been confirmed to me by coders who create bot algorithms as I was beta testing paper.li. I've fought hard through redundant age-old stacks to make my way to the google front lines again, so my Lexx work shows up faster on Chrome searches now. This has been a really interesting ride. At any rate, my point is, I can still go back 6 years on my original tracker and I can still see that in 2013 just before the last big blog server move, I was getting traffic like this (and since then, the tracker may have been abandoned, we can't tell). Click the thumbnail to see full size.

My original tracker also still lets me see the latest 500 visitors on a map. I once counted over 80 countries among the total visits. You guys are not alone. Click the map to see it better.

Besides Lexx, the most common search phrases that bring new visitors here are variations on 'huge spaceship'. The most seen post from a phrase search is How Big is the Lexx? My biggest Lexx referrer is Lexx Domain. Most of page views per person count comes from the Lexx tag on Tumblr. Visitors who stay the longest come through URLOpener and are pinged through the Google translator server in Mountain View, CA.

 photo vsmlett.gif

Lexx Index

 photo lexxheader.jpg

Lexxperience  photo lexxperienceheader2.jpg

Google+  photo Lexxhangoutpage.jpg

 photo syfydesignslogo.jpg

 photo revivalcomingsoon.jpg

 photo lexxboredbutton.jpg

 photo lexxzonelogo.jpg

 photo picbug_top.jpg

 photo isokuva.jpg

 photo norajean.jpg

 

 photo sadgeezer.jpg

 photo sfserieslogo.jpg

 photo nerdmovie.jpg

Google

Everything I have in this blog

Calendar

July 2017
S M T W T F S
« Jan    
 1
2345678
9101112131415
16171819202122
23242526272829
3031